I am not ashamed

This is a public service announcement.

This is happening this summer.

You won't want to miss it.

Epic entertainment at its finest.

Be there.

I'll be the one in my 90's get-up, screaming my head off, and laughing until I pee.

Because there is nothing better than watching 40 year old has-beens who think they still got it take off their shirts and sing with man-made wind blowing in their faces.

Nothing.

Better.

Grace for today

Since moving to Fort Myers and having Lexi I have felt a little out of it. Like I can't get a handle on everything. Like I am so tired I can't think straight. Like I am going through the motions of being a mom, but not really "being" anything at all. Like I don't know where we are going in life. Like I need some direction and purpose. Like my goals are never gonna happen. Some days are better than others, but for the most part I feel a little stuck.

This time last year I was enhancing (for lack of a better word) my life in so many ways. I was about to turn 30, but I was proud of who I had become and the things I was doing. (I guess that was my first mistake . . . pride comes before the fall, huh?) I was in graduate school and absolutely loving it. I loved learning about education, and I loved having adult time in the evenings after being with the kids all day. I was tutoring struggling kids twice a week. I was attending multiple Bible studies and really feasting on the Word of God. I was getting to spend a lot of time with Ethan and George because George only had half days of school. I was the one who drove him to and from every single day. I was sleeping through the night because both my kids had their own rooms to sleep in and slept well. I was watching tv in my living room every night . . . which I can't ever do after 8:30 here in the one bedroom because it doubles as the boys bedroom. I had friends that knew me and wanted to hang out. Then . . . 

I found out I was pregnant, Tim got the job in Fort Myers, and we moved our whole family to a one bedroom apartment.

And life got different - very different.

I didn't have grad school and adult conversation at night.

Instead I have a baby who is totally precious, but I have to wake up and nurse at night.

I have a 2 year old who won't stay in his bed at night, and we can't let him "cry it out" because his five year old brother is in the same room and has to get up for school the next morning.

(hello run-on sentence)

I didn't have any Bible studies (although I did start one last week that I am loving).

I didn't have any friends here.

I had no where to go to get out during the day.

I barely see my firstborn because he goes to school all day and rides with daddy to and from.

Life just got simple.

Real quick.

And I had to make a decision to go with the flow or get bitter.

I have been dealing with these feelings more lately because I am finally able to come to terms with them on some level.

Tim got some not so great news about his job this week, and I think that is what spurred me to write out all these thoughts.

We don't even know if we are staying here.

We could have to do this all over again somewhere new next year.

We are basically nomads which is something I never thought I would be.

I want stability for my family.

I want people who really know us.

I want a house with bedrooms I can lock my kids in.

(just kidding . . . kind of)

I want . . . I want . . . I want . . . (you fill in the blank).

But the conclusion the Lord just keeps bringing me back to is "GRACE FOR TODAY."

I only need what He is giving me right now.

Worrying about tomorrow or next month or next year is worthless.

God knows where we will be.

He will give me friends.

He will help me get involved where He wants me involved.

He will take care of me and my family.

When I feel like I can't last another day with no sleep . . . 

When I feel like I am buried in dishes and spit-up . . . 

When I feel like I need some adult interaction . . . 

When I feel like I can't change one more diaper . . . 

I just have to rely on His grace for today.

Cause it is there.

If I would just stop complaining and start recognizing.

(I realize the pictures have nothing to do with this post, but I figured you would like something adorable to look at while reading all this rambling).

A Day with George

Last week I had the opportunity to chaperone George's class trip to the Children's Museum of Naples.   He really wanted me to go when they sent home the permission slip before Christmas, but I told him it was a long-shot.   They weren't allowing younger siblings to come, and I don't really have anyone to watch the two littlest Bettelli's in Fort Myers yet.   A few days before the trip I asked my mom if she would be willing to come down for 24 hours to watch the kids, so I could go.   She did, and George was so happy that he would have me all to himself for an entire day. When we got there they did a little lesson on the solar system. Then we had lunch around 11. After lunch they gave the kids time outside to play on all the playground toys . . . complete with a maze made out of bushes.  

  Once they got out some of their energy, we came back inside to check out the exhibits. George loved the restaurant space.

He had so much fun with all the hands on activities he got to take part in.

Here he is playing the news anchor roll on tv.

Our day was so much fun, and he wanted to know when we could come back as soon as we left.

The museum was really fun, but I enjoyed my day with George alone even more.

I tell my husband all the time that sometimes I feel like I neglect George.

Ethan and Lexi are so labor intensive at 3 months and 2 years old.

George is 5, and he just has such a compliant personality.

I don't ever want him to feel like he gets lost in the shuffle of our crazy life.

He is so important to me, and I want him to always feel that way.

I truly believe that the best gift we can give our kids is siblings, but I also know that as you add kids to your brood things get crazier and busier. It is always a balancing act, and I hope George knows what a priority he is for me. I love that little boy so, so, so much, and it was such a privilege to hang with him.

Enjoying these days

Since I moved into this loft apartment in October I haven't really done much.   I spend most of my days just being with my two littlest in a constant rotation between feeding/rocking my baby and playing a mutitude of different games/toys with my toddler.

   When I lived in Largo I literally ran from one thing to another . . . always packing the kids in the car as we drove from one destination to the next.   I enjoy being busy.  I really do.   I loved having play dates and Bible studies and preschools to go to.   But . . .   There is definitely something to be said for the "simple" life.   This time with my kids is so precious.   I am trying to soak every minute in.   I start a new Bible study on Thursday mornings this week.   I know the longer we live here the more things I will find to do.   And that is all fine, but I want to make sure I don't forget these days.   Days when my babies were happy to just sit on my lap on the couch and enjoy the morning together.   Just being together.   Just soaking in all their preciousness.   Cause they are precious.   So, so precious.

  And I am blessed.   So, so blessed.   

2013 is here

Last year I wrote this post about my expectations for 2012.   It has been a good year.   A hard year with a lot of changes but a good year too.   I have tried to find joy in all circumstances.   Sometimes I succeeded and sometimes I didn't.   I thought a lot about what I wanted to write in my first post in 2013.   A new beginning is so open and fresh.   And people love to fill it with all their lofty goals.   But I don't.   That depresses me, because I know I won't accomplish it all.   What a way to start a year . . .   I want to start this year off by being thankful for my four greatest blessings.  

 

They are my mission for 2013.

 

I want to be a better mom and a better wife.

 

I know these are goals that are never actually checked off a list, but that makes it easier for me to work on it.

 

It is a constant goal to strive for.

 

I want it at the forefront of my mind in all decision-making.

 

I want them to feel loved and cherished with everything I do.

 

That is my "resolution" for 2013.

 

And maybe I will finally try to make a loaf of homeade bread.

 

Maybe . . .

 

Because I don't want to overwhelm myself or anything.

 

Insta-Friday 12/7/12

Well, it's that time again.   Life via my Instagram pics.   We didn't do too many exciting things this week with Ethan out of commission, so most of our moments took place in the comfort of our temporary home.   It was nice to clear the schedule for a couple days and just be with my kiddos.  

 

We will start off on Wednesday when Ethan got his cast on.

 

He was hilarious when they asked him what color he wanted because, of course, he changed his mind 20 times.

 

"I want oringe, no I want bew, no I want ed, no I want een, no I want . . . "

 

You get the idea. 

(And those spellings are his versions of the appropriate colors.  I do know how to spell the primary colors).

 

He never said pink, which was comforting because Tim would have killed me if I brought him home with a pink accessory that couldn't come off for four weeks.

 

I would have probably let him do it too if he really wanted it, but by God's grace (seriously) it never came up.

 

Ed ended up being the color he decided on (although he tried to change it to een in the middle of the application . . . the poor cast tech didn't know what to do).

 

And I am happy that at least he has a festive accessory to sport through the Christmas season.

 

 

Saw this cute idea on Pinterest and BAM, I recreated it.

 

We had to bring an appetizer to our small group Christmas gathering this week.

 

This beauty was perfect, festive, and healthy.

 

 

She is starting to be really smiley and interactive.

 

I looooooooove watching them be present.

 

 

Check out that hair sticking up.

 

She still hasn't lost a lot of hair from birth, so I am hoping she just grows more and more in.

 

I see plenty of clips and headbands in our near future.

 

 

He is all over this baby.

 

Really sweet, calling her "cutie-pie and Lexi-girl"

 

And she lets him just kiss her and lay on her and she never cries.

 

We will see how long it lasts.

 

One day sister is going to let him know how she really feels.

 

Until then it is fun to watch their cute expressions with each other.

 

Happy Weekend!

 

Crawling

Ethan has spent the last couple days crawling.  

 

Why, you might ask?

 

Sunday night my dad was helping him put pajama pants on . . .

 

(Sidenote:  He is the most difficult child to dress because he can be such a diva.  He only wants to wear certain pieces of clothing when he wants to wear them.  If you do not comply with his wishes then he will do everything in his small little power to get away from you to keep those horrid clothes from getting on his body.) 

 

And he slipped out of one pant leg onto his ankle somehow.

 

He is a pretty tough cookie, so not much crying ensued.

 

He went to bed as usual, but in the morning refused to walk on it.

 

I took him to the doctor Monday morning (at which we also found out that he has a double ear infection), and she told me the quickest way to get him seen was to take him to the emergency room.

 

Oh, joy.

 

I love germ infested emergency rooms with two year olds who can't walk and are already miserable because their ears are hurting.

 

I put my feelings aside and off we went with my mom and bff, Nicole.

 

Here is what Ethan thought of the gown they made him wear.

Once again showing his diva-ness off.

 

 

They did an x-ray and found that it was indeed a hairline fracture right at the base of his leg (at the ankle).

 

They wouldn't actually cast it there - no, that would make things too easy.

 

Into a splint it went.

 

 

And we have to follow up with an orthopedic specialist sometime this week to get an actual cast that will probably be a part of him for four weeks.

 

Nicole is a nurse, so we went to the hospital she works at.

And here she is holding on to the splint while the fiberglass dried.

 

 

It was a lovely experience that took about 3.5 hours.

 

Which all things considered could have been much longer.

 

Glad to know important people like Nicole who can hurry things along.

 

Prayers please . . . that he would start walking on it (he is allowed) because carrying a two year old and an infant in her carseat/carrier is no good for mommy's back or sanity.